Yellowstone National Park is one of the worst places on Earth to miss a turn. There are several intersections, like the one at canyon village, that come dinner time, will have cars lined up longer than Pinoccio’s nose had it been attached to Bill Clinton before his "I have sinned" speech. The traffic is real along the single road that meanders through Yellowstone, Los Angles doesn't even know.
I watched a beaver build an entire Dam while traffic halted because up ahead a pack of wolves decided a grizzly bear could join their orgy, it was a grizzly bear bukake. And its not just the animals that are crazy here either. We watched Old Faithful spray hundreds of people with his hot semen after cheating on mother nature with father time. Who would have thought Old Faithful, after all these years, had been hiding in the closet?
Now, I can't tell you the best route through the park—or how to "properly" experience it—but I can tell you the route we took, and a few critical lessons we picked up along the way:
Don't look any of the rangers in the eye. When you ask for directions or help of any kind, keep your eyes out of theirs.
Where the signs say “Wildlife Crossing” is the only place the animals are allowed to cross. Everywhere else is off limits, so if you see an animal crossing the road anywhere else EXCEPT where the signs allow for them to do so, be sure to immediately call the ranger and inform them of where. Keep the conversion short and to the point and of course, don't look them in the eye.
Be sure to pack enough food to feed the wildlife. Buffalo can weight up to a full ton, thats a shit ton of twinkies. Think ahead, COME PREPARED.
This one is not known by many people, but Yellowstone is not the largest national park in the world, its actually the largest nude park in the world, 3,472 square miles of butt cheeks and wrinkly, old ass saggy genitals.
As much as id love to continue with advice, my fingers hurt and i must only continue with the bare nicetitties, excuse me, i mean bare necessities. I have broke our 3.5-day route into clickable functions, outlining our route and what you can expect during each route.
